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HUMOUR
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| "Laughter is a tranquilliser with no side effects" -------Arnold Glasow | |||||||||||||
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| Silly Point .......by Jaspal Katti | |||||||||||||
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Why do couples hold hands during their
wedding? Why do Bride and
Groom exchange varmaala during the wedding? Another problem caused by deforestation!
Courtesy: Jayshree Shetty, Mumbai
Why Bill Gates decides to sell off Microsoft? Letter from Banta Singh to Bill Gates.
Subject: Problems with my new computer. Dear Mr Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice: 1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this. 2. One doubt is whether any "re-scooter" is available in system? I find only "re-cycle", but I own a scooter at my home. 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot a trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem. 4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that? 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide remaining items? 6. It is surprising that windows says 'My Pictures' but there is not a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that. 7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only. 8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'? 9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God Sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours. Regards, Banta PS: Last one Mr Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling windows? |
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Points to Ponder + Who was the first to say, "See that hen? I am going to eat the next thing it lays." + People who work for tea companies, do they take a coffee break? + If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? + If Coconut oil comes from coconuts, does Postman oil come from Postmen?
HORN PLEASE.....OK......(as seen on the back of trucks)
Dosti hamse karo, gadi se nahi, diesel se chalti hai, paani se nahi ..................................................................................................... |
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Questions to answer + Why do Sardars have large bodies ?.............It's to store their extra-large hearts ! + Patta Singh was driving the taxi around Jalhandar, but he didnot get any passenger. Why ?.....Because 4 of his friends were with him. + Why does a Sardar laugh loudly ?........Because his loose moustace tickles his nostrils ! .................................................................................................................................... |
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| Readers Corner | |||||||||||||
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A
man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he realizing
his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere
in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first To:
My Loving Wife Subject:
I've Reached Date:
28 April 2004 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed
to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just I'll
see that everything has been seeing
you then! Hope
your journey is as uneventful as mine was. With
Love XYZ (Email
by Rita Rao, UAE) |
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Images that tickle!!! |
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'May his soul rest in peace' |
'My God! Forgot the password' |
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Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.....................Wendy Wasserstein. .......................................................................................................................................... |
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Interesting Statistics The population of India is 100 crores. But 19 crores are retired. That leaves 81 crores do the work. There are 25 crores in school, which leaves 56 crores to do the work. Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Government, leaving 34 crores to do the work. 4 crores are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 30 crores to do the work. Take away from above total the 20 crores people who work for State Governments (State Government employees officially do not work!) and that leaves 10 crores to do the work. Total unemployed are 8 crores and that leaves 2 crores to do the work. At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals, leaving 80 lakhs to do the work. Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are 79,99,998 people in prisons throughout the country. That leaves just 2 people to do the work You and me!!! And currently YOU are sitting at your computer reading mails. So I am the only person in our country who is working! And that's why India is surviving!!! Now, please log out and do your job because, for a change, I want to rest. And I don't want India to suffer because of that! Cheers!!!! (Courtesy : Salil naik, UAE received by email) ..............................................................................................................................
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A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful
deserted island in the middle of nowhere: A.
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman B.
2 French men and 1 French woman C.
2 German men and 1 German woman D.
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman E.
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman F.
2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman G.
2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman H.
2 Arabic men and 1 Arabic woman One
month later, on various parts of the island, the following was *One
Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. *The
two French men and the French woman! are living happily together. *The
two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the
German woman. *
The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking
& *
The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look *
The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying *
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the *
The 2 Arabic men are looking for a piece of paper so they can throw their ...................................................................................................................................... Funky
Jokes for you A
nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking
a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is
a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in”. The
newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “ I have
great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house
instead of two”. Osama
consults a psychic about the date of his death. Confucius says: There is no such thing as rape because a woman with skirt up can run faster than a man with pants down. Following
are the last words of Osama shot in an encounter today at 10.45 GMT in Tora
Bora. Old
aunts used to come up to me at
wedding, cracking and telling me, “You are next”. A
wife is like a TV. Every time you open it, same program is being retelecast. A
man says to his wife on their wedding night, “Are you sure I am the first
man you have slept with” Bishen
Singh Bedi to his wife: Parsi
Humour
MARRIAGE JOKES My
wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, ....................................................................................................................................... |
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.......................................................................................................................................... Maharashtrian Humour – a really good one Hey
this is hilarious - am sure, Bombayites
- present and past will love it ! This
is the way one can name Maharashtrians at Work : 1 One with only one finger - EKBOTE 2 True Maharashtrian - KHARE 3 False Maharashtrian - KHOTE 4. One who only takes - LELE 5. One with bulb factory - DIVEKAR 6. One with K on his head - SHIRKE 7. Bakery owner - PAWGI,BUNKAR 8. Narasimha Avtar - POTPHODE 9. One with stomach problem - POTDUKHE 10. One who lives in village - GAONKAR 11. One who only take money - DAMLE 12. One who is brave - WAGH,VEERKAR 13. One who is untidy - GABALE 14. Cotton mill owner - KAPSE,RUIKAR 15. One who eats more - DHOLE,DHAMDHERE 17. One who works very cool - KULKARNI 18. Building constructor - WAADEKAR, MAHALE 19. One who is coward - PULEKAR 20. Silver mine owner - CHANDEKAR 21. One who reaches the root - MULEY 22. One who is real cat - MANJAREKAR 23. One who is 1000 more intelligent - SAHASRABUDHHE 24. One who divides by 2 - NIMKAR 25. One who kills - MARANE 26. Do die do - KARMARKAR 27. One who twists - PILGAONKAR 28. The God - DEVO, DEO-kule 29. Big old Rishi - MAHAMUNI 30. One who always wins - JAYKAR 31. One who talks a lot - MAHASHABDE 32. One who doesn't talk - GOOPCHOOP 33. One who builds temples - DEVALEKAR 34. One who runs away - BHAGWAT 35. One who blackens everything - KAJALE 36. One who always says 'take away' - NENE 37. One who is father - BAPAT 38. One who feels very cold - KAKDE 39. One with tailoring shop - SHIWDE 40. Jeweller - RATNAPARAKHI 41. One who always go to varanasi - KASHIKAR 42. One who is very sweet - GODSE 43. Its okay - BARWE 44. Mango man - AAMBEKAR 45. One who Opens up , by getting aside - KOLHATKAR 46. One who thinks - VICHAARE 47. One who is close to everyone - JAWALKAR 48. One who is wise - SHAHANE 49. Colourful maharashtrians - KALE, GORE, HIRWE, KALBHOR, PIWALE, DHAWLE 50. Some Metallic Maharashtrians - PITALE, TAMBE, LOKHANDE 51. Worriless Maharashtrian - NIKALJE 52. Clerk - Chitnis 53. One with weight of 100 tonnes - SOMAN 54. One who holds God - Devdhar Here
are some special CELEBRITIES having their roots in Maharashtra (Their
ancestors probably left India in search of CHALLENGES IN LIFE !!! ...ages
ago) 1. Bill Gates - Bal Ghate 2. Neil Armstrong - Nilesh Bhujbal 3. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Arjun Shivaji Nagar 4. Demmie Mooor - Damayanti More 5. Roger Moore - Rajesh More 6. Sean Connery - Shree Kulkarni 7. Andre Agassi - Anand Agashe 8. Andy Flower - Anand Phule 9. Jackie Cha(i)n - Jaykishan Sakhale 10. Leander Paes - Leeladhar Pise 11. Remo Fernandes - Ram Phadanvis 12. Pete Sampras - Purshottam Sampat 13. Steve Waugh - Sitaram Wagh 14. Jonty Rhodes - Janoba Rodke 15. Vladimir Putin - Vallabhrao Phutane| 16. Martina Hingis - Malati Hinginkar Courtesy: Rita Rao, UAE ..................................................................................................................................................................................... Can
you help this Bambai ka bhai ! We give below his bio-data :“Apun
Pakia!!! umar chabbis saal, wajan assi killo aur 6 phoot height ..............kya! abhi who bole to.. kya hai na......... apun ko bhi life me settle hone ka maangta , isiliye yeah advertisement apun paper me chaap re la hai... Maanta hai apun Tapori hai bahut log ka pungi bajayela hai magar kya hai naa apun ka bhi izzat hai baaaaap markit mei!!! apun ko bhi public shaadi bya mei bolati hai... who bhi izzat se! Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram se kama leta hai... buri aadat bole to daaru aur bidi, ab who kon nahi pita yaar akkha bada bada log apun log se jaasti chada leta hai... Ab chokiri apun ko aisi chahiye ke saath me nikele to public ki tho jal ke raakh hojaye! bole to aik dam jhakas , patakha aik dam patakha... thoda padi likhi hogi to chale ga kion ke saala yeah kabhi kabhi form bharne ke liye saala apun ko 25 log ka haat pair jodna padta hai.. Apun jo hai na shaadi ki baad aik dam sudhar jaayinga imaan se... apun ka baccha log ko padalikha-tapori banayinga... bole to Tapori Doctor, Tapori computer waala aur bohat kuch... Maa kasam shadi ke baad apun aik bhi chikni ko line nahi dega... Dekho baap apun shadi ke baad me koi chokri ki phamily ka lafda nahi chahiye haaan ........ bole to.... kabab me haddi nahi ban ne ka kya! abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun ko contact karne ka ...kya! Munna Mobile…… Pappu Pager Ka Right Hand ShanPatti Nagar, Hairan Gali No. 420 Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area. If you have any suitable vacancy, let him know, ‘ uska life ban jaayega’ aur ‘apka Bajaa baja dega’. Courtesy : Rita Rao, UAE ................................................................................................................................................................................... JOKES FROM FAR & WIDE >>>
What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?... Subject:
Indians, Pakistani & Bangladeshi A Paki, Bangladeshi and an INDIAN are in a bar one night having a beer. The
Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our
glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one
twice." The
Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He
says "In Daka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't
need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Indian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice." ................................................................................................................................ |
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 Balancing Act !!! |
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.............................................................................................................................. Intelligent
Sardarji!!!????
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two
large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says,"What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered the sardarji. Iqbal says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart;he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardaji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, "What have you got?
"Sand," says the Sardaji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and
discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the sardaji, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the sardaji, doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a 'dhaba' in Islamabad. Hey, Buddy," says Iqbal, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me,what are you smuggling?"
The sardaji sips his Lassi and says, "Bikes."
MORE SARDAR JOKES……..
* Why can't Sardar dial 911?
* They can not find the eleven on the phone
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* How do you get Sardar on the roof?
* Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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* "Oh, look at the dead bird."
* Sardar looked skyward and said "Where,Where?
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* One day a sardar is walking on the road. He sees a piece of shit.
He bends down........dips a finger and tastes it........."Yuk! ! It's shit!!!
* ".........then he moves on thinking
"Good,I din't step on it"
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* What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
* You always hear about them but you never see them.
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* Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
as opposed to a regular one?
* You have to hollow out the head.
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* TO LOSE WEIGHT.. The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.........
* "What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
* "I'm 2400 kms from home."
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* TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
* Sardars Hari Singh and Gyani Singh are in a railway
station.
* Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train
to Ludhiana? "
* "No," answers the Railway man.
* "Can I? " asks Gani Singh.
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* A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when
the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai"
* Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata
hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
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* Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
tracks and he takes
* along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho? "
* Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai
kahin bhook se na marjaun"
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* Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train.
He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber,and he felt that for 20 rupees, the * sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter? "
* Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20
rupees and woken up someone else"
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* Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
* The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing
to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."
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* Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
birth certificate
"Mother:Sikh.........Father:Sikh..........Kid:Chinese."
* "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
Sikh? "
* "Aah" said Sardarji " I read in a newspaper, that
every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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* Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent
to the outer space.
The * ground control issues commands..........
* Ground control : "Rubi!"
* Rubi : "Woof!" (its the barking sound)
* Ground control : "Press the red button."
* Rubi : "Woof! Woof! "
* Ground control : " Moti! "
* Moti : "Woof! "
* Ground control : "Press the white button."
* Moti : " Woof! "
* Ground control : " Sardarji! "
* Sardarji : "Woof. "
* Ground control : " Stop barking, feed the dogs and
don't touch anything! "
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Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has
a Clock Tower when someone asks him........
* " You want to buy the clock on the Tower "
* Sardarji says "Yes".
* "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
* The man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was
taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji * is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him..........
* "You want to buy the clock."
* Sardarji says " Yes "
* "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am nota fool.
This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
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* DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
* Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
They managed to get into a * double-decker bus.
Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs
to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.
Santa Singh : "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
* Banta Singh : "Yeah, but you've got a driver.*"
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* Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears
and he answered........
* Sardarji:"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang
- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
The doctor exclaimed in disbelief : " Oh Dear!
......But what happened to your other ear?"
Sardarji : "The scoundrel called back."
(Courtesy: Sunil Naik) .................................................................................................................................. Top 5 Telegrams TELEGRAM #1 A daughter
sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the
father receives as : TELEGRAM #2 A husband,
while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to
his wife : TELEGRAM #3 A wife with
near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At
the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her
berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached
as: TELEGRAM #4 A man wants
to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a
birthday cake.The salesman asks him what message he wants put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting
older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want
me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting
older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the
bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party
watched the message decorated on the cake: TELEGRAM #5 A man from
Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi. When the
man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife
indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife
received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: (Courtesy : Salil Naik, UAE) ..................................................................................................................................................................................... MOVIES ON THE BEATEN TRACK Hindi films are seen all over India and abroad. They are watched by the young and old, the rich and poor. People enjoy the movies, the songs and love the actors even though the stories are more or less on the beaten track. If one has noticed closely there are a lot of funny pecularities and co-incidences seen in our films. Here we make an attempt to touch upon them one by one. Most of the films over the years have a hero, a heroine and a villian. And invariably the villian gets beaten up black and blue and looses. And the hero wins the heroine after a few fights and few songs. The hero is a son of filthy rich businessman or zamindar, or a son of a poor factory worker or a farmer. And the heroine comes from a poor family if the hero is rich, and is a daughter of the wealthy business man if the hero is poor. The villian is generally a spoilt brat of a rich person in the city or village. So far so good! But if both the hero and heroine come from the same class, the movie flops. Now whenever the hero is shown studying in some college, he is mostly a popular student who always passes first class first. It is a mystery to me how the hell, the hero with all his extracurricular activities manages first class. Either it means our heroes are really intelligent with a high IQ and geniuses or bookworms. Another thing which amuses me is whenever the hero is home for “Khana’ his mother prepares, with her ‘own’ hands ‘gajar ka halwa’, for dessert which happens to be the favourite of all heroes and their mothers. But why only ‘gajar ka halwa’ why not ‘doodhi ka halwa’? will somebody explain this? Our heroes and heroines are born artists. Whatever he or she does, they are experts and the best in the field. Be it writing, painting, singing, dancing or whatever art form it may be. They are the first to win prizes at competitions. Whenever the hero gets aggressive, he is the best fighter around . be it boxing, karate, freestyle, desi-style. He knocks down the big bad men like nine pins. They seem to be always ready and in good physical shape. But the hero picks up any weapon, be it a pistol, a rifle, AK 47, AK 56, machine gun or armoured vehicle, he is an expert at it. And even in sports, whether it is running, driving, horse racing, boat racing or for that matter anything, he always comes first and wins the race bagging the medal or trophy from under the nose of that lousy villian who has been always winning for years before the hero entered the scene. Most of our heroes and heroines have a very good taste for music and dance. They literally sing and dance around trees into one another’s heart. Thereby giving an impression that you can fall in love by only singing your heart out, and this is the only way to woo the opposite sex.. Whether it be classical, folk music, disco, rap or whatever else you have, he she is really good at it and the best around. The most repeated story line is of the two young kid brothers being lost in a mela with one becoming a police officer and the other taking to a life of crime. And finally they meet after many many years and recognise each other through some birth mark, an incident a song or a third person, only to shout ‘oh mere bhai kaha the intne saal’. Most of the time the hero delivers his lines with pomp, power and authority and the poor heroine either whispers or cries with tears streaming down, totally helpless to be saved by the hero or a ‘bhaiya’ who lands from nowhere. The comedian is a funny guy who is supposed to make the audience laugh. He is generally a close friend of the hero or heroine. In colloquial terms he is “Chamcha”. Instead of making the people laugh with his antics, one feels he more or less becomes a joker in the story line. Instead of laughing one wants to cry for him. And the audience screams, ‘Hey bhagwan isko zara aakal do.’ Till today I am unable to understand whenever the hero enters any car-Indian or foreign car, he is able to start it instantly without the ignition key. Once started he chases the villain through thick and thin roads, water, hills and even deserts. He seems to be an ace driver and the car always seems to be having a tank full of petrol or it just runs on love (for the heroine) and fresh air. May we all have such cars! And of recent, whether the script demands or not, the heroine is supposed to dance in the rain with scanty clothes or transparent sarees. Besides a guest appearance by a popular hero, heroine or a pop singer assures box office success for the movie producer. Besides a particular films clicks with a specific story like a family drama, patriotic film, a ghost story or be it lost and found or be it revenge, all the producers try to follow this track. Invariably most of their films flop miserably. And now it has become an unwritten rule that star fathers launch their sons by producing a film himself. Some movies become a hit, putting the star son right on top, but some fail and the sons vanish to become director or business man or a producer himself. Movies are a very funny business putting a person right on top one day, and pulling a person down on any other day. Some say it’s a great leveller. Nevertheless movies are made, hits are created, new heroes and heroines are born and old ones forgetten. One can narrate many, many of such funny pecularities in our hindi films. We invite readers to point out some of them which have not been touched here. It will make interesting material to read. ...................................................................................................................................... Quotes
to Ponder
“Fish and guests stink after two days” -------- Proverb. “Unwillingness easily finds an excuse” --------- Benjamin Franklin “Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes” -------- Woodrow Wilson. .............................................................................................................. Laughter
is the best medicine Keep the engine running. This 80 year old man marries a 20 year old woman. The following year she is in the hospital having their first child. The nurse comes and says to the man, “sir how do you do it at your age?” He replies,”I just keep the motor running. The following year she gives birth to the second child and again the nurse asks him “amazing how do you do it?” He just looks at her and says,” I just keep the motor running.” The third year she is having their third child and again the nurse comes out and asks the husband,” I know you keep the motor running.” He says, “Yes I do.” The nurse looks at him and says, ”You better change the oil – it’s black! A woman was in a gambling casino for the first time. At the roulette she says,” I have no idea what number to play.” A young, good looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on No 32. The wheel is spun and the No 41 comes up. The smile drifted from the woman’s face and she fainted. When do you
know that an Afghan boy matures? I am a
killer. I will kill people for money Two sperms
are swimming really hard
and one asks, “ Are we almost at the uterus?” Survey reveals every woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at the same time-one cleaning and one cooking. A
prostitute goes to deposit a $ 100 bill in a bank. The teller says, “Sorry
, madam, the note
is fake” I came to
talk about my taxes.” You can’t
judge her by her clothes A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got out off hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, “I told you not to go doggy style”. A gang
decided to rob the bank, What is
common between a swimming pool and a wife Man on
business trip. Every week he wired his wife, “Busy, still buying “. What is
virginity? Whoever first said that “A dog is man’s best friend” had never seen a pussy before. Sher ki
shaadi ke baraat mein sab sheron ke beech ek chuha naach raha tha. Once a man is
carrying 4 babies in a train. A
lady says ‘cute babies’ are these yours? ........................................................................................................ Well said Viagra--- * Just pop the pill and you can change from a dud into a stud.
* What do you call an Arab milkman ? ----- 'Milkshake' * Hardwork never killed anybody. But why take the risk ! * The sound of the kiss is not so loud as that of a canon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer! .......................................................................................................... Off
the Cuff
Banta Singh : Everybody talks of Albert Einsteins’s theory of relativity ? Kanta Singh : It is simple yaar. Sit next to a pretty chic for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red hot stove for a minute, it seem like an hour. That’s relativity. Banta Singh : So its all about sitting !
Officer: Was any big man born in this village? Villager: No Sir. Here only a child is born everytime! Kanta Singh: Did you slap me seriously or just for fun ? Banta Singh: Seriously. Kanta Singh: Then it is okay. I hate fun. Passenger: Stop the bus, a passenger has fallen off. Conductor: It’s okay. He has already bought the ticket.
Officer: Did you catch the thief? Cop: No Sir, but I got this finger prints. Officer: Where? Cop: On my cheek!
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Silly
Point
Your
dog too may have to stand in this Q!!! 
